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而我的心却热得让我发慌心里想着她写的信

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发表于 2017-9-14 17:56:06 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
  姐姐从南方发来消息告诉我,她要结婚了。走在街头,北方已经开始微冷。而我的心却热得让我发慌。心里想着她写的信,“我的一切。如果我现在嫁了,你是不是会恨我?”她称我是她的一切,她该离开了,她该离开了,心里有个声音不断地告诉我。
  12年过去了,她为我做了太多的事,漫长的岁月里我差一点儿就忘了,姐姐家一已30岁了。30岁对一个女人来说是残酷的。我身边的不少朋友都知道,我是姐姐养大的,没有享受过一天母爱,父亲恨我入骨,因为是我夺去了妈妈的生命。他们同时抛弃了我。只有可怜的家,她接受了我这个不是她的责任的责任。
  这些年我写了不少的文章。我却从来没写过她,那是我明白我写不好,我的任何华丽的文字都无法勾勒出家一的超脱。今天我突然想写了。也许是她的那一句。“我的一切”让我有了勇气。
  她的漂亮、感性、善良,还有聪明,都让我觉得她是富裕的女子。贫穷是她的生活,让我所累的生活。我常常也想,如果我没有家一会怎么样,是流落街头,还是在别人的鄙夷里苟延残喘。爸爸也许到离世都不知道,我之所以不恨他,那是因为有家一,我以为我有了家一这样的好姐姐,是没资格再说恨任何人了。
  说到爸爸,我又难免没有丝毫的遗憾,他在我10岁时就离开了,而他直到过世也没有叫过我的小名。我在他那里听到的我感到温暖的话是,他弥留时说的一句:“家菲,你是不会孤独的,我的离开对我们来说是好事,我对你总是爱不起来,我知道我不是个好父亲。可是我真的尽力了,既然已经如此,就让我们期待来世,但愿下辈子我们还有父女情缘,我想我会做补偿的。”
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